What is your natural disposition? Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Do you have that eternal sunshine personality that things will turn out okay, or are you the Eeyore of the group that’s full of doom and gloom? I think the best is a mix between the two.
I recently ran across an article that talked about the “Stockdale Paradox” that helps to explain this. In Jim Collins book, “Good to Great”, he writes about James Stockdale who was a Vietnam navy pilot and was shot down during the Vietnam War. Stockdale ended up being sent to the “Hanoi Hilton”, a prisoner of war camp. He explains that while he was there, he started to assess the situation and his future. He had the hope that he would eventually be released, but knew that it would take work, and that there would be things that he would have to do. He wasn’t just going to sit and wait for his release; he was going to do things that would make his situation and the lives of others around him better.
He started a code that was used to communicate between prisoners, developed a system to help the prisoners cope with the torture, and many other coping mechanisms to help him and others get through the ordeal. The true optimists ended up not surviving the “Hanoi Hilton.” Stockdale explains it this way; they came in to the prison expecting to get out by Thanksgiving. Then, when Thanksgiving came and went, they thought that they would be released by Christmas. Then Easter, then the following Thanksgiving and Christmas. These men died of a broken heart. They couldn’t handle the disappointment of not being released on their time schedule.
Of this phenomenon, Stockdale says, “This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
This quote strongly reminds me of the day of my accident, after I had been redirected and had prayed for God’s mercy and to protect my family. I was told twice that day, before I was sedated for the transfer to Galveston, that I wouldn’t make it. I had hope that I would survive, to be with my wife and kids again, but understood that I would have to fight to be able to do that. I could believe in the hope that I would be okay, that God would take care of me. But I was making my battle plans, understanding that I would need my own code, my own system to be able to survive the torture that I would have to go through.
I learned to use a form of self-hypnosis (to go to my “happy place”) to help push down the pain of the tub room. I would try to solve problems while in the tub room to keep my mind off what was going on around me. I would ask for schedules for the day so that it seemed like I had some control of the actions around me. Recognizing the surgeries and therapy that would be required and embracing it.
These and other mind games were what helped me through this time.
It is this approach of being brutally honest about a given situation and not just brushing it under a rug and assuming everything will be okay, that has become more of a way of life for me. This “Stockdale Paradox” isn’t just for traumatic events, but I also use it for everyday life. Pray about the issues in front of you, ask God for help, then embrace the challenge and work through the options that are available.
A quote from Saint Augustine sums this up, “Pray as though everything depends on God; work as though everything depends on you.”
What things in your life do you need to pray about then get busy working on?
Great article
Thanks, David. Glad you enjoyed it
Very encouraging! I’ve started a new job after nearly three decades at my old job. Learning so many new things is a greater challenge than I had imagined! After reading this article I am beginning to get a vision of accomplishment. Thank you!
Sheila, change is never easy, but you will be fabulous at our new job! Think of it as a new adventure and don’t let those first few days discourage you!