Learning To Date My Husband Again

It had been nearly 2 months since I was able to have anything resembling “a date” with my hubby. You see, on August 20, 1999 after an almost picture perfect morning, David left for work and he never came home. Instead of having dinner together as a family that evening, we were abruptly separated from our children and I was looking at the love of my life, who was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. He was virtually unrecognizable due to his injuries. He had tubes and machines hooked up to him and he was completely covered in bandages. David had been burned over most of his body- everything but his feet and he was fighting for his life.

The weeks that would follow would resemble a perpetual rollercoaster- days were filled with numerous up’s and down’s. My life felt like a whirlwind. There were many surgeries and procedures, infections would come and go with regularity. Fear and anxiety crept in about what our future would look like. It was unknown whether David would even live through this ordeal.

Because of David’s injuries, I couldn’t have skin-to skin contact with him while he was on the Burn Intensive Care Unit- our home away from home for almost 4 months. I always had to wear gloves and a gown when I entered his hospital room because infections were a huge concern. The only touching that was happening was related to changing bandages or doing wound care. Anyone who has spent much time in a hospital realizes that there is virtually no privacy. Nurses and doctors come and go all the time. Vitals need to be checked. Patients need care and on a Burn Unit they need lots of care!

That’s why “the date” David and I had on October 21, 1999 was spectacular. The day before, David had had another surgery to do a few skin grafts on his legs and to release the tight skin around his eyes. His eyes were partially sewn closed to help the new skin heal, so he couldn’t see very well. Despite all of this, David requested pizza and a movie. So, we ordered a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and we watched a classic John Cusack movie, “One Crazy Summer” as David laid in his hospital bed and I sat in a chair that had been pulled as close to the bed as possible. For a special treat, the nurses even let David sip on a Pepsi instead of forcing him to choke down a can of Boost for nutrition. The nurses tried to stay out of the room for a while so we could be by ourselves. This was the closest thing to “normal” that we had experienced in quite some time.

Isn’t it strange how intimacy can come in many forms? It isn’t always a kiss or an embrace. Sometimes it’s just being alone, spending a few moments trying to escape the realities of what’s happening all around you. It’s being near one another. It’s found in laughter. It’s about being intentional- making the time for one another or creating the space to slow down and completely take each other in. We didn’t touch that night. We couldn’t kiss one another. We couldn’t embrace. It was just about being with each other.

I will never forget that date. Looking back, it was more memorable than the very first time we went out on a date together. I think this is true simply because back then I thought we were invincible- not a care in the world. But in that hospital room, I was well aware of the fact that life can change in a heartbeat and that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. I remember writing in my journal and telling people about how important it is to love on the people in our life! Tell them you love them. Hug them. Show them you love them. Make time and invest in your relationships. You never know if today will be the last chance you ever get.