God’s Got This!

Yesterday the clouds clung to the trees so heavy that we were unable to see the tops of the mountains. The fog was thick, dense and heavy as raindrops fell. Today, the sun is shining and we are blessed with a clear blue sky and the most amazing view of the mountains.

This stark contrast reminds me so much of my life.
There are days that the heaviness of fear, anxiety and doubt overwhelm my soul. Yet, I also have days that God clears the fog from my life so I can experience His tremendous blessings.

Last July my husband, David, was diagnosed with cancer. As we prepared to make the three hour trek to meet with his doctor near Chicago and undergo a battery of tests to determine how far the cancer had spread, my heart was a whirlwind of anxiety and trepidation. We shed many tears. I was fearful of what news might be lurking around the corner and what our future might hold. I was literally so overwhelmed by fear I felt somewhat numb, even though I knew that God would see us through whatever He was about to allow us to go through.  I knew scriptures and biblical truths, but my heart just couldn’t seem to fully process them that morning.

So, I reached out to friends on social media and pleaded for help. I asked them to blitz us with scriptures throughout the day. Within minutes our phones were dinging and beeping, alerting us when someone had sent us a message of truth and encouragement. With every mile we got closer to the hospital, another ding or beep would sound and we would read another scripture or prayer for our family. The fear and doubt began to dissipate and we were able to reclaim the sense of hope we try so hard to cling to. Our attitudes and outlook completely changed because we were able to draw on the strength of the truths from God’s word.

Since July, our family has tried desperately to keep on living and to not allow ourselves to be crippled by the fear of everything we experienced this past summer. We have found numerous reasons to laugh and to find joy amidst our circumstances but if I must be truly honest, if I let my mind wander too much, the fears start creeping back in and with it comes anxiety and doubt. I must constantly remind myself of the truths of scripture and allow them to penetrate my heart.

This evening I have a feeling of uneasiness as my heart prepares for another trip to Chicago to meet with an oncologist for the first time and for a follow up appointment with our surgeon. I so very badly want to cling to the truth that we will be “ok” no matter what happens. David lovingly reminds me that regardless of the outcome of his medical issues, God works all things for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I want to fully believe that God’s got this! I know in my head that He is in complete control. It’s my heart that continues to struggle with this journey. I wonder how and if we will ever learn to get on with our daily lives without thoughts of cancer creeping into the small crevasses of our minds. I wonder how to let go of the fear of the unknown- of wondering if there are cancer cells growing inside David’s organs without us knowing. I don’t want to be consumed by the remnants of fear. I want to be able to fully and completely trust that our mighty and powerful God’s got this!

Psalm 121:1-3, 7-8 are some of David’s all-time favorite verses, especially when he’s hiking in the Rocky Mountains while we vacation at Wind River Ranch in Estes Park, CO. They are wonderful reminders that God is big enough to always protect and guard us; that he never rests and is always there.

“I lift my eyes to the hills-

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

The Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not your foot slip-

He who watches over you will not slumber;” 

“The LORD will keep you from all harm-

He will watch over your life;

The LORD will watch over your coming and going

Both now and forevermore.”