When our family was ready to go in public again after David’s accident, we had to overcome some major obstacles. People around us weren’t accustomed to David’s new appearance, and coping with their reactions took quite a bit of practice. Over the years, the coping strategies that we’ve implemented when we’ve gone out in public have adapted and changed as our family has gotten more and more comfortable with our situation.
At the beginning, whenever we’d go out on the town I’d find myself struggling to get the heavy wheelchair out of the back of our Ford Expedition. I’d have to unfold the heavy, awkward contraption, get David out of the vehicle and transfer him into the chair. Keep my eye on our wandering three year old son, answer questions that our nine year old daughter was peppering me with all while trying to finagle the doors to whatever building we were trying to enter, without banging David’s freshly grafted legs into anything… You get the visual picture, here? It was crazy- even worse than trying to load up the diaper bag, car seat and stroller for your first outing with your newborn baby!
Strangers didn’t always know whether to offer help or not when they saw us struggling to just get around. They didn’t want to lend us a hand, fearing that it might offend us in some strange way. I think people were sometimes afraid to ask about David’s injuries in case we were overly sensitive or bitter about the subject, so we would try to help by casually bringing up David’s accident or injuries to give them an opportunity to ask questions and to let them know we were open to talking about it.
Another funny thing that would happen on occasion is when people would come up to me, with a very serious expression on their face and they’d quietly ask me, “How’s David doing?” Normally this wouldn’t be awkward, however, on some occasions, David was standing right beside me. David and I would make quick eye contact and smile slightly. Sometimes I would answer the person politely. Other times I’d simply say, “He’s standing right here, you could probably just ask him.”
Most of the time I was so caught up in our own world of chaos that I didn’t really have the time, energy or strength to look around to see the reactions of people. This was probably more intentional than I thought at the time- I was afraid of what I might see on stranger’s faces so I just refused to look around. I kept focused on the direct and immediate needs of my family. David needed lots of help- a wheelchair or walker, and assistance walking. I was constantly paying attention to him or the kids. So I kept myself busy doing things so I didn’t have to slow down and take in our surroundings. This happened for years- it became a habit.
After time, I realized I no longer gave a hoot about how others were reacting to our different looking family. I feel like David’s scars are battle wounds that he’s earned by fighting for his life. I’m actually proud of his scars- they represent the intense fight he underwent. Not many would have survived his injuries, so those physical scars act as reminders of his love for us and God’s love of our family. David wears them proudly and I greatly admire him for that.
Through the years we’ve developed coping strategies and they’ve changed over time as our needs and challenges have changed.
What used to upset us, we can now just shake off and giggle about.
Sometimes people stare. Sometimes people ask what happened. We’re usually more than fine with that. Other times, when curious strangers are less than tactful, we respond quite differently and the sarcasm has a tendency to come out. For those people, David’s favorite responses to what happened to him range from being attacked by an angry Chihuahua to coming down with a bad case of leprosy.
Recently we had an encounter with man who had also been burned. We had just gotten off a cruise ship and were waiting for our shore excursion to leave. The man and his wife approached us and began to share their story with us. Usually we feel an instant connection to others who have burn scars because they can relate to the same issues we’ve faced- we’ve travelled a very similar journey.
However, this man caught us completely off guard. He actually stood there, looking at David and said, “Man, look at you. My doctors were able to fix me…” I couldn’t believe that someone who had experienced an actual burn injury could be so inconsiderate— his words were downright hurtful. I kept my thoughts and my verbal comeback to myself as I glanced over at David. I could see David’s demeanor quickly change. A wall went up and David said, “Well, have a nice day. We need to be going.” And we were saved by the announcement that our group was ready to leave on our tour.
The mixture of reactions we get from other people can sometimes be overwhelming. From the grace of one person to the hurtful words of another, we’ve learned something through them all. We’ve learned about the kindness of people who seek to understand, and about the sting of an ignorant person’s unfeeling comments. We’ve learned about others, we’ve learned about ourselves, and most of all we’ve learned about God’s ability to truly work all things for the good of those who love him. 
That had to be a most miserable time. And so many people are so thoughtless. If you don”t know what to say, keep your mouth shut.
Bob, we just took it one day at a time and tried to take it all in stride.