Nothing can be worse for low body image than being on a cruise ship for a week. As I sat, trying to relax in the sun on the back of the boat, reading my Christian fiction book, all I could do was look at the Skinny Minnies running around in their little skimpy bikinis. Ugh. Sure, there’s plenty of women who crammed their muffin tops into bikinis as well, and usually I find myself comparing my fully covered midriff to theirs and tell myself, “you’re not that fat” or “you don’t look that bad, so you don’t have to worry.” But last week, all I could do was compare myself to the scantily clad, thin women running around.
Why are we, as women, so hard on ourselves?
Do you ever compare yourself to other women and feel like you come up short?
It didn’t just happen out of the blue recently on vacation. I’d been harder on myself than usual lately because I’d fallen off my Weight Watcher’s wagon and had not been able to go to the gym because of a foot injury. Every week, I’d watched the numbers on the scale escalate as my mood deflated and I ate another piece of dark chocolate Easter candy.
When I find myself experiencing these tough times, I also have a tendency to put a wall up between me and my wonderful hubby. Since I feel so bad about myself and feel like I look horrible, I automatically assume he sees me the same way, right? So I distance myself from his affection and I shrug off his sweet, tender compliments because I think he must be crazy with a capital C if he thinks I’m attractive at all.
Strange thing is, he doesn’t see me the same way I see myself. He doesn’t notice the cellulite, the thunder thighs or the 50 extra pounds I’m carrying around since we got married. To him, I’m just his beautiful bride.
David stopped me in my tracks after a playful look over the frosted glass shower door. After telling me how beautiful I am to him, he says, “How do you think it makes me feel when you cringe or blow me off when I tell you how I see you? How do you think it makes me feel when I’m disfigured and you cringe when I give you a compliment?”
OUCH!
I respond to David by saying, “But Honey, I don’t see you as disfigured. You’re my husband that I love.”
He says, “Exactly.”
OH, TOUCHE!
When my self-image plummets; when I don’t feel in the least bit attractive; when I can’t imagine why David would goggle over the way I look and I pull away emotionally and I cringe at his compliments I’ve been sending him the message that maybe I see his scarred body as less than appealing. That’s so far from the truth and was never my intent. This admission broke my heart because I don’t see my husband’s burn scars- I see him.
I need to come to grips with the fact that he just sees me, as well.
Oh, how I need to begin to see myself through my husband’s eyes.
Do you ever struggle in this way? Do you have a hard time separating your value from a number on a scale or a dress size? I encourage you to begin to see yourself through another set of eyes–eyes that adore you and love you dearly. If you’re comfortable sharing your own experience, I’d love to hear your story!
I never really thought of it that way. I too am guilty of rejecting compliments from Jerry! Thanks for opening my eyes…again.
Blown away by your awesome perspective! 🙂 Not often that an article brings tears to the eyes.
Loved this! I thought that same thing when my little 4 year old Henry looked up and said, “momma you are so beautiful” and I wanted to brush it off and roll my eyes….and instead I said, “thank you, Love” and just smiled and enjoyed the moment. Thanks for this good word! 🙂