Is there a way for the slow motion and fast forward functions of life to coexist?
Today I’m feeling a rush of emotions, as we prepare to move Nathan into his dorm and say goodbye.
Last week, when I thought I had it all pulled together, I had a meltdown in the entryway of our home when the Schwan’s man came to our door. As I was deciding whether to purchase frozen chicken or ice cream treats, he began telling me the week’s specials. He rattled off that pepperoni pizzas were on sale. My heart did a flip flop in my chest and the tears started to well up as I thought about the fact that I wouldn’t be needing a stockpile of frozen pepperoni pizzas in the freezer for Nathan any more. Yikes, where did that come from? Poor guy!
I want today to linger on forever. I want the day to go in slow motion mode so that I can capture every memory and tuck them away in my heart. I don’t want tomorrow to come because that means I’ll have to hug him and say goodbye and wonder if he’ll be ok. I just want today to last forever.
Yet, on the flip side, while tears are running down my cheeks, I desperately want the next week to go by in a flash, so the heartache and goodbyes will just be over and we’ll be settling in to a new mode. In a week or two, I’ll know he’s enjoying his classes, that he’s made new friends and that he’s continuing to grow into the man God intended. I just want to fast forward though, because I fear that my heart will feel as though it’s been ripped in half, or half empty.
This week is just filled with so many unknowns for all of us. We move Nathan into college and then in the middle of the week, David has surgery on his leg. My heart feels as though it’s being pulled in so many directions. I know fast forwarding through life’s difficult times isn’t really what I want. I’ve learned through the years that it’s during these times of difficulty that I grow the closest to God. It’s in those times, when I feel weak, that I realize just how big, mighty and strong God is. That, in turn, should make me want to face the struggles of my heart so I can rely more on God.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Have you ever experienced a time when you fought the urge to fast forward through life so you wouldn’t have to feel the hurt? When was a time that you felt like God had you in the palm of His hand and gave you a strength you never knew you had?
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