When life gets swept out from under your feet in an instant and you’re thrown into a whirlwind of craziness, it’s hard to remember to make your marriage a priority. After David’s accident, I became his nurse instead of his wife. Each day was filled with so many responsibilities as I juggled doing the things I usually did in addition to the many responsibilities that David could no longer do because of his injuries.
Then add into the equation the new duties of scheduling doctor’s appointments and therapy sessions, doing wound care and dressing changes, driving to all these appointments and trying to still be Mom to our two young children. I was exhausted. Depleted. Each day became a routine. Each item on the To Do list was simply a task that needed to be checked off until the next day when it all began again.
After nearly 7 months of this crazy lifestyle, I realized, with my husband’s help, that I was stuck in nurse mode. Emotionally I couldn’t step back into the role of being David’s wife. I was struggling with juggling it all.
When unexpected challenges come into your life, it’s hard not to feel overwhelmed. As your expectations of life are not met, you place new expectations on yourself to acclimate to your new reality. This is exactly what happened to me in this season. I never expected to have to adjust in this way, and so I overcorrected. Tragedy stripped me of my former titles, and I had to rely on God to bring perspective to my priorities.
As I “relearned” in so many ways how to be a wife, I learned some valuable lessons (oftentimes the hard way). The list I’ve put together today is short and simple, but has been completely life-giving to our marriage, in the good times and the bad.
1). I believe that life’s priorities, as a wife, should be ordered in this way:
- God
- My Husband
- My Kids
- Other Things
2). My husband needs my support, and needs to know I’m cheering him on. If he does not find that support and encouragement from me, then he will be tempted to find it somewhere else.
3). Undermining David’s decisions or trying to usurp his leadership communicates that I don’t respect him. Our marriage works best when I show David respect and he shows me love. The amazing thing is that the more I give him respect, the more he wants to show me love, and the more he shows me love, the more I want to respect him. I think God had this in mind when he designed marriage!
4) We must invest in each other in order for intimacy to happen. This means time, resources, and energy. Go out on dates. Hold hands. Cuddle. Step out into each other’s worlds and do what the other likes. Do chores together rather than delegating them to one person.
5). Extend grace to each other. Let’s face it- we all mess up. Be willing to forgive, and do it quickly or else it destroys your relationship one quibble at a time. The longer we hold on to past arguments or mistakes, the more bitter we become.
Again, many of these lessons I’ve had to learn the hard way. I haven’t always done these things well, and it’s because of this that I’ve seen marriage hurt in the face of tragedy. I pray that if your marriage is struggling, you reach out and become vulnerable when you want to shut down, and that you step into the hardship when you want to run away.
Marriage is worth fighting for, in the good times and the bad.
Leave a Reply