Today I’m honored to feature my daughter Samantha as a guest blogger. You’ve heard our story before, but this time Samantha tells it from her point of view. Enjoy!
Have you ever worried so much about something that it controlled your life? Have you been so consumed with worry that it affected your health, your relationships, and even your trust in God? And despite the fact that you had no control over whatever you were worrying about, you let it change you from the person that you once were?
I have. And quite honestly, I sometimes still struggle with the scary “A” word: ANXIETY. Do you?
Let me introduce myself. My name is Samantha Pesich. When I was eight years old, I started to let anxiety creep in not knowing how it would later affect my life. My relationship with anxiety began on Friday August 20, 1999. My day started off worry-free. My daddy took me to school that morning and we enjoyed a lovely cafeteria breakfast together before he went to work. I was on cloud nine as I feasted on Frosted Flakes drenched in a pool of chocolate milk. It wasn’t long before the bell rang and it was time for us to say our goodbyes. “I love you,” he said.
Little did I know that those last three meaningful words could have been his last. That afternoon, my Dad was in a horrific explosion at work and was burned over 94% of his body with mostly third degree burns. That’s when my perfect life was turned upside down. That is when I started to let anxiety control me. My great day turned into a day from hell. Have you ever had one of those days?
The intercom sounded in Mrs. Vell’s fourth grade classroom. “Can you please send Samantha Bowers down to the office? Her mother is here to pick her up.” I gathered my belongings and ran down the hallway excitedly thinking I was getting out of school early on a Friday. When I got to the office, I was greeted not by my mom, but but by my Dad’s boss’ wife Linda with my little 2 year old brother Nathan.
Even a child can tell when something is wrong. My excitement started to turn into worry. Something had happened. Why was Linda picking me up from school? And why did she look like she had been crying? Where was my mom? All Linda could say was that my Dad had been in an accident.
The word “accident” brought about images of a minor fender bender resulting in a few broken bones or bruises. “Accident” didn’t prepare me for what had really happened.
My life was completely pulled out from under me. I was no longer an 8 year old carefree little girl. I was a child full of fear, sadness, uncontrollable worry, depression, anxiety, anger, and loneliness. Both my parents were now two hours away at the UTMB burn hospital and I had no idea if they would ever return together. Regardless of all the people taking care of my little brother and me while my dad was fighting for his life, I felt as if I had to grow up fast and take on the role of raising my brother. I felt like I had to put on a fake strong persona and do it on my own. No one could comfort me the way my mom and dad could…and they were gone.
My anxiety continued to grow each and every day that my family was apart. Questions took over my mind.
Is he ever coming back?
Will life ever be the same?
Will I have my dad to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day?
Will he ever walk again?
The questions kept coming and my mind was consumed. I began to think that it was my fault that the accident happened to my dad. I should have behaved better, I should have listened the first time, and I shouldn’t have had chocolate milk over my frosted flakes the morning of the accident, because I should have had white milk. (The things a child thinks of when something bad happens to someone they love!) I had it engraved into my head that dad’s accident was my fault and that God was punishing me because of my actions. I let my worries consume me, turning me into a pretty depressed little girl.
Do you ever wonder why bad things happen to good people? Do you ever ask “why me” or “why us”? These questions were on my little mind constantly. Why did life have to get so hard?
The truth is I couldn’t do it on my own. No one can. If you or someone you know struggles with anxiety, know this: The weight you are carrying can be taken off of your shoulders if you give it all to God, no matter how long you have been carrying it! We all need God in our lives to get us through the good, bad and ugly. Yes, life can sometimes be hard but knowing that I have a God who I can give all my fears and worries to is pretty amazing. It can be life-changing if we take this verse to heart and truly give it all to Him. God is always on our side holding us up when our world around us seems as if it is crashing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m human and still sometimes struggle with anxiety and fear, but I can rest assured knowing that my God stands beside me through my darkest times and wants to take that weight off of my shoulders and give me peace.
Have you given your anxiety and fears to Him, or are you letting your worries consume you?
P.S. He DID walk me down the aisle!
-Samantha-
You have put such wonderful feelings of faith, love and family in this! Thank you for sharing.
We do not know each other that well, but that is a beautiful story and your Dad is one of the finest men I have ever met. I told him one day that I am a person who smacks you on the arm or gives you a nudge, but I didn’t know about how I might hurt his injuries. He said, “Hit away. I probably wouldn’t feel it anyway.” He’s a great man!!