I was lying in a hospital bed looking out the window, watching the world go on around me. Everyone and everything seemed to be moving, except me. I was trapped inside a severely burned body and my backbone had been shattered. The pain was like no other in this world. I now understand the term “racked with pain” as my body shook uncontrollably. I could hear myself inside screaming to be released from this horror I was experiencing. Tears poured from my eyes continually but my burned arms and hands could not reach to wipe them away. I was imprisoned in a world of the unknown.
As I watched the seasons change, I realized my life would never be the same again. I was facing the biggest challenge of my forty-seven years and I was falling into the deepest pits of despair and depression. Georgia Shaffer, in her book A Gift of Mourning Glories,describes the darkest times in my life when she writes, “Winter existed both on the inside and outside of me.” For me there seem to be no sunshine, and it would be that way for a very long time.
My entire life had been full of challenges and I knew my faith in Jesus had always upheld me in the past. This time I would have to trust and allow Him to carry me through this healing and restoring season. I had my son bring in a CD player and my praise and worship music, and also Bible on tape. The music played all through the day and filled my soul with encouragement. At night the Bible indwelled me as I tried to sleep, and gave me hope.
Each day was full of extreme pain as I experienced two-hour bandage changes each morning and each night. I would ask my nurses to pray with me each time before they began. I knew the routine by heart, and every time I saw nurses, doctors, or therapists come into my room, I would know they were there to hurt me. My depression was deep and anxiety was high. I always knew Jesus was there with me, it did not make the pain go away, but it made it bearable. The Lord worked through many family members and friends to meet the needs I had. The cards and posters hung all around my bed, reminding me how much I was loved. A sign stating “Miracles in Progress” was on a wall over the head of my bed.
A miracle is definitely what our family needed. My husband and daughter were in the motor home accident with me. This was the most difficult season of our lives, a reminder of how fast life can change. Everyone will have storm clouds gather some time in their life. I hope you will find some comfort in knowing the Lord carried us through this horrible time, giving us hope and showing once again His faithfulness and love.
Today life is good, our physical bodies are scarred and we call them our badge of courage, our hearts are pure, refined by fire. I now work with burn survivors and their families. I realized I had been doubly blessed. This accident had a purpose. I was a burn survivor, but also a family member of a burn survivor. I could reach many people because of my experiences. The struggles and trials have been many. I see them as opportunities to show God’s love, perseverance, patience, and never ending love.
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