Have you ever struggled with not knowing what’s next?
For those of you that know me very well at all, you know that I’m a bit of a control freak. Some friends and family members have dubbed me as having a little OCD, but I just like things to be organized. I like to plan things out and to think through a gazillion scenarios that might possibly happen so I can think of possible solutions even before a solution is needed. My children despise this attribute and are much more “fly by the seat of your pants” kind of people, partly, I think, because they know that their trusty old Mom will have things planned out anyways…
While my life has been full of situations where I had no idea what to expect, there are three specific times that stand out to me of when I had to rely on the Lord and take a risk because I really didn’t know what to expect.
When I was just seventeen years old, I found out that I was pregnant. I was a straight “A” student, never got in trouble and I had my future pretty much mapped out. Graduate. College. Law School. Success.
Instead, I found myself scared, anxious and wondering about what the future would look like.
While I didn’t necessarily have a personal relationship with Christ at the time, I did believe in God. After I came to terms with becoming a young Mom, I had to trust that I’d be ok and that I’d be able to provide for my baby girl. While I had lots of love and support from my parents and extended family, I eventually started going to church and learned about a God that cared for and loved me. I realized that He would provide me a future and that He had big plans for me. It wasn’t easy to rely on someone other than myself, but boy, has it ever paid off!
Fast forward many years… in 2002, a couple of years after David’s accident, David & I decided to pick up our family and move from Southeast Texas to Indiana. We had lived in Texas for seven years and that’s where all of our friends were. That’s where our church family was. That’s where we endured one of the toughest times in our entire lives, alongside loving and caring people who had supported our family in ways I cannot even begin to describe. But our immediate families lived in the Midwest- Minnesota and Indiana-and we felt very strongly that it was time for us to move closer to our parents so our children could get to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins better. It was also much easier to ask family for help than to have to continue to rely on friends over and over when David would have numerous surgeries. But picking up and leaving the security of Texas was incredibly scary. We didn’t know anyone in the little country town we were moving to. Would they accept us into their community? Would we find a church home? Would our kids adjust? Would I survive the cold, harsh winters? We took a risk and relied again on God to see us through. He provided for our family in big and small ways. Isn’t it amazing how God cares about the little details?
A few years ago I decided to go on a mission trip with our church. David stayed behind to take care of our kids while
I went to Jamaica to help at a small Bible College campus and to witness to school children at several local schools. This was way out of my comfort zone! I’d never done anything like this without David by my side so I was a little anxious from the get go. 
Our comfort was not a priority that week. There were cockroaches in the showers. We bathed in rain water. We served by painting and cleaning and doing odd projects around the college campus and then traveling to local schools to share God’s message with them. Some schools were surrounded by barbed wire and the children were unruly. We spent one day at an orphanage for children who had medical problems and we loved on kids with AIDS and other physical and mental issues. It was heart breaking. It was scary to travel off the beaten path, passing cars that had men carrying guns. It was scary. I had always considered David to be my protector and provider. On this trip I had to come to terms that God is truly my protector and provider, not my husband. I feared for my safety on a daily basis, because we encountered some pretty intense situations every single day, but God provided strength and safety and I learned to trust God even more.
By reflecting on these three times, I’m reminded that God provides for me every day, whether I’m being pushed out of my comfort zone or just going about my daily activities at home. I just need to get out of the way sometimes and remember that God is in complete control.
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